This is the same headline I used in a city newspaper when I commented on the recent rape and murder of a BPO girl from Pune. My point, which some readers misunderstood, because the figure of speech went over them, wasn’t that the poor girl literally asked for the crime. It’s just that having been aware of the fate that waited another girl in similar circumstances in Bangalore only a couple of years ago, the Pune lass should have been careful in her actions. Like, she ought to have refused going to work alone with the cabbie in the middle of the night.
Anyway, that column cost me dearly, the newspaper in question has curtailed both, the frequency and scope of my writings. Do I regret it? Of course not. For one, I apologised because the lingo went over some people’s heads and they felt offended as a result, and two, I stand by the point I was making. Thus, the gruesome headline is back.
I cannot understand why, on such a provocative night, in areas known to be frequented by drunk taporis, some girls choose to hit the streets. These areas are well known. Gateway of India, Juhu beach, Chowpatty, etc. And basic common sense would tell women to exercise caution. Like, if they wanted to collect their car or hire a rick/cab, a hotel like the Marriott would be happy to help. And if they simply stepped out for a walk, them um, yup, they asked for it.
Blaming the cops is absolutely silly in these situations, they cannot possibly monitor every street of the city. This is a cultural, sociological issue, indecent and beastly men exist in our midst, and they get particularly harmful on celebratory nights. And we know the joints they usually hang out on, the Juhu area if their fav for New Year. This is well known, and yet, some women choose to take their chances.
And to say the girls could have been out-of-towners is no excuse; in such a case, they ought to be even more careful on such nights.
So is one suggesting one should not condemn this incident? Of course not. Of course, the swines should be heavily punished to teach others a lesson. But I am sorry, I believe some responsibility also lies with the victims. I said that in the case of the Pune BPO girl, and I say it again. Thankfully, no one will stop my blog for my comments.
17 comments:
Considering that I am from Delhi, this isn’t the first time I have heard your argument before, and this isn’t the first time such views have irked me to no end. But let’s not get worked up here.
There was a time when we girls were told to not step out after dark unless accompanied by men. It was tough but we could deal with it. Now we are told that you simply can’t step out after dark, even if you are accompanied by men, because:
a) men on the streets may get provoked and rape/molest you. It’s not that they are right, but why should you be stupid?
b) The man you are out with, perhaps on a date, could rape you.
While the law can’t take care of situation b — considering its personal nature — I simply don’t understand why can’t it take care of situation a.
Women today are no longer fixtures in the house, they are an active part of society and economy. Can’t the law enforcers ensure their safety?
When the police feel that a certain political rally or even elections could be an excuse for some to create trouble, they detain the usual suspects to avoid untoward incidents. Can’t a similar preventive action be taken during occasions like New Years?
You pointed out that the police can’t be monitoring each and every street in the city. I agree. But can’t they monitor places such as Juhu Chowpatty, which you correctly pointed out was a “danger zone”.
During Ganeshotsav this year, city police roped in a lot of extra men — who had only recently appeared for the city police exams — to ensure more security. Couldn’t the police have made similar arrangements to curb out-of-hand revellers during New Year celebrations?
We women, pay tax, pay our electricity bills and abide by the same laws that you men do. Yet, time and again, we are “shown our place”.
If the men in Mumbai and other cities in this country can’t handle their hormones, the law should ensure that it is they who are kept behind locked doors after dark, not us.
As citizens of this country we have the right to enjoy equal freedom. It’s high time this male-dominated society begins to realise that.
Gitanjali,
Thanks for responding.
Here is my reaction, hope it makes sense.
1. We DO NOT live in an ideal world, in fact we live in a third world nation where men are still brought up in patriarchal homes. Generally speaking, their upbringing does not teach them to respect women, and this is proved by later behaviour patterns. Our society is dogged with dowry demands, female foetuses continue to get destroyed, and even in Bollywood we have noticed male audiences reject heroines after they marry (as contrary to the male stars). How can you expect products of such upbringing to conduct themselves differently when pissed drunk? So should our men change their values? Of course, they should, it’s a no-brainer. But this socio-cultural change can yet take hundreds of years, but you and I live in TODAY. And we have to live with this reality.
2. You forget that the police and the netas are products of the same upbringing, they are one of us, they haven’t descended from Pluto. You must have noticed how casually the police commissioner tried to fob off the incident as trivial. The reason there is so much security during religious fests is BECAUSE the cops and the politicians take them seriously. But when it comes to eve teasing, I can guarantee you the cops secretively giggle away when such complaints get filed. So should our cops change their values? Of course, they should, it’s a no-brainer. But this socio-cultural change can yet take hundreds of years, but you and I live in TODAY. And we have to live with this reality.
3. Our women must accept the social milieu we live in, whether they like it or not. However empowered they are in their professions, they have to accept they are at all times vulnerable to depraved men who haven’t been brought up to respect women. India Shining may happen INSIDE the JW Marriott, but it DOESN’T on the street outside its swanky foyer. The real, today’s India plays out there.
4. So should women hide behind closed doors? Surely one isn’t suggesting that. But they must accept the stark reality and err on the side of caution. That’s all I am suggesting. The girl who hopped into the call centre cab in Pune late at night all alone, did not exercise that caution. The girl who went out to the Gateway on NY’s eve did not exercise that caution. And so on.
5. Not all men are like this. Many of us guys who work with you are decent souls. But we are in a huge minority, and you cannot expect the same behaviour in India that’s still years away from reaching sociological progress.
I agree with Anil...
In fact it is of my opinion that girls who cannot take care of themselves/ are not sure of protecting themselves/ handling any untoward situation should not venture to such places.
Mind you, I am not saying that they should not leave their homes, go to work or enjoy with friends...but they rather do it within their limits! And in case they face any untoward incident, they must be able to handle it.
I totally agree with Anil. Being a girl if i do not like to be treated any particular way, It is up me (majority of the times) to take care of myself. Do we not lock the doors of our houses in the night and sleep, for the fear of theft? Does that mean there are no laws or can we argue that it is wrong to rob hence I had kept the door open?
I definitely agree with u that men in India r medieval in many instances.Even when travelling by public transport,sometimes women,mainly young girls are wearing such short dresses,it is embarassing for other women to watch men eyeing them in a degradative fashion.so,yes,we women,also are responsible as to how and where we present ourselves.
Hi Anil, Long time...So, thats the reason you have been writing rather seldom? Silly of any publication to do so (let alone your's)...
Anyways, coming quickly to the point, I do agree with the point that you are making (in this case)...but being a woman, i feel equally irked when we are advised to 'take care' for sumthing thats not at all our fault...
When I wear a short skirt, my dad says "dont, he world is bad.", when I return home late, my dad says, "dont, its not safe for YOU."
I believe crimes like molestation, rape, etc. are caused due to what goes on in the criminal's mind rather than the way a woman is dressed or whether she is walking alone or in areas prone to such crime...
I feel there is a thin line between asking a woman to be 'careful'( also being correct at saying so) and curtailing her freedom...
I dont think you or me can decide when its correct to blame the woman and when it is correct to say that the men are at fault...
And blaming the police maybe silly, coz they cant take care of every street - true...but if that was one of the areas you mentioned in your list of 'most crime prone areas' then, why wasnt patrolling present THERE?
I think we all increasingly need to tell Men and more men not to harm a women in any sexual way...the best punishment in such case would be to 'castrate them and hang their balls for public display.'(Hope those offended-by-your-language-readers are not reading this :)
Anyways, I would like you to please read this post of mine that I had made sometime back on my blog, on a similar issue...the same sort of debate went on...here's the link
http://mysticmusician.blogspot.com/2005/12/from-feminist-thought-news-headlines.html
Keep blogging...Cheers!!
(ps: and stop spamming :-)
Anil , i think u r right. It is up to the girls to see that they do not give rise to such situations. In fact knowing the times, they shud have been extra careful. I am not supporting the guys who misbehaved, they are after all male!and super cads but we women should remember that we are in India and conduct ourselves accordingly.
Hi Anil, I think you are right to some extent, but also wrong to some. Like, we wouldn't know what compulsions the BPO girl had; maybe she would have been fired if she didn't come to work that night. Now, this isn't saying that she chose the chance of getting raped over getting fired because probably she wouldn't have imagined about such an eventuality in the wildest of her dreams.
I don't know ... too many variables that could have gone wrong, and to make a proper judgment either.
And I don't think the girls on Juhu Road were at fault either. The hour must have been late but they had gone out in a group of four, which is quite a strong number. Now, how could they have even imagined that all the passersby would jump on them? That's not what people generally do, you must admit...
Now, I am not saying you are wrong either. Maybe they should have been extra careful... but you know these moments when you do something you don't really think equals "taking a chance" until... Uh OH!
Can't be blamed for that, no?
now we have jasmine patheja from blank noise coming up with tees. Instead of making things better it will just make the oglers ogle all the more. where is all this leading to?
while there are a lot of girls who take caution & refrain from going out on such nights; is it posibble to make any street 'girl-free'? At any given time there would be girls around then it becomes the responsibility of the police to take precautionary measures to prevent such incidents in the future. Start by teaching the perpetrators a lesson; also the police is going to start an anti-eveteasing drive which is a positive start according to me..
Anuradha, you make a valid point. If you leave your house open at night (or walk into a village in a mini skirt, for that matter), there is no point blaming the law machinery.
Suchitra is bang-on, we men in India DO live in the Stone Age, and the quicker the feminists accept that truth, the better.
Surya, I agree with you that hard, historic punishments need to be meted out to the molesters. Perhaps that will bring the incidence down, but will it be eliminated? Certainly not! Like I said in my reply to Gitanjali (see above), we Indian men are many years away from treating women as our equals. So to repeat, women MUST exercise caution in potentially dicey situations. Her guard must not be let down unless she’s sure that people around her are trustworthy. Yes, we have no right to advise a woman what to wear and when, that’s her choice. But some degree of realization of the sort of men she’s up against would be a good pointer. As Padmaja points out.
Bindu, I don’t really see how far we’ll go with the anti-teasing drive. Firstly, it’s often difficult to catch the culprit (and prove it… breaths of molesters don’t necessarily stink). Also, if there is a flaw in our genes, we need long-term solutions to correct that.
Jimmy, you are right. One can never really be sure of all the variables the Pune girl faced. Perhaps not reporting to work could have cost her the job. But having been aware of the fate of the Bangalore BPO girl, a simple act like calling her boss with “Dude, am alone with the cabbie, the male colleagues have dropped out, do you think it’s safe to travel?” may have saved her life. That amount of basic precaution is all I suggest.
Gitanjali is from Delhi hence she is dumb dumb dumb about Mumbai. She lacks the basic arithmethic skills to judge the situation. So what if she pays her taxes, we all do. Any Mumbai girl will tell you about Juhu Beach on NY night. Juhu is frequented by atleast 10 lakh taporis who have nowhere else to go on New year Night. How can Thirty thousand odd cops check for drunk driving, handles accidents, eve teasing and many more crimes happening all over this city of 15 million people. Only dumbos will go to Juhu beach on this night and leave the beautiful Marriot hotel.
Hi Anil,
Yes I do agree with you, and a woman should wear appropriate clothes but it still does not give the right to a man to violate a woman's body. Did you hear about Karan Oberoi who was smooched by a fan (male) backstage and he was so humiliated etc. How do you think a woman feels when something like this takes place and even worst she is stripped in public!! Women should take precaution but when a rape takes place its the sick man's mind that does the act whether she is fully or skimply dressed!
Hey anil,
dont know the reason why you deleted the comments.. but as you have the right to free speech and no one will remove your blog, the comment giver also has the right to say his/her stuff. Please do not violate that and breach ur own principals.Unless of course you have very strong reasons(which i frankly believe you have)
it was not anil who deleted the comments, but it was me. I mistakenly posted the same comment four times and that is the reason and deleted those
hi, thank god the reader who had posted and deleted her comments has clarified the situation.
there is NO way i would delete a reader comment, i value them immensely. still, the tech unsavvy me just figured how to clean up deleted comments, so that's done.
thanks all for writing in.
cheers
hi all
i agree with anil. when you are in a city where perverts linger mostly in every corner, u cannot afford to not be on the alert, if not always then atleast not at the wee hours of night.
i suggest for all those trying to still be foolish enough to wander alone, be highly trained in all the kicks n punches!!
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