Fiery joints

Eight people died in the Kurla restaurant fire. Just like that. Their only fault was to eat lunch in a dodgy pad. And guess what? These things will keep happening in a city like Mumbai. One, because real estate is super expensive, therefore proprietors will use every square centimeter available, and when none is left, they will create space by erecting false ceilings. And gas cylinders will be precariously parked wherever parking space can be eked out. This is a pretty common sight, rendering many food joints prone to fire attacks. Two, corruption in the municipal corporation. Licenses are often bought by these space-starved restaurants, and they get renewed with the same method. The BMC is currently indulging in song and dance about ‘unsafe’ eateries, and they will stop the nautanki moment the eight lost lives are forgotten.

So what’s the solution? Simple, really. Modify the law, and declare that when an inferno rages in any restaurant, and it’s a result of unsafe practices followed by the owner, the licensing officer will be tried for culpable homicide. And he/she will face punishment under that section. Jail time for a few will quickly sort out this recurring problem. Remember this: Our cities are packed with people that belong to the lower middle class, and with cash strapped students. They have no option but to dine at cheap restaurants, and so it becomes the duty of the BMC to do its job.

As an aside, here’s the list of the eight dead: Two Hindus. Three Christians. Three Muslims. The fire didn’t check who was eating vegetarian or non-vegetarian. Or who was eating fish or chicken or beef. It treated everyone equally. If the current dispensation learns a lesson from the fire, the eight lives won’t totally have been wasted. 

Of dogs and pups

Listening to (Ex) General VK Singh’s talks these days, one begins to wonder if the soldier would fire first and then examine the identity of his victim. The newly-minted mantri’s insensitive remarks have been bringing his party a great deal of grief, and the latest one is use of dogs as an analogy while discussing the murder of Dalit kids. As usual, everyone wants the PM to condemn the analogy. In this instance Shri Modi can be forgiven for his silence. Didn’t he use the analogy of puppies, a couple of years ago, while talking about the Gujarat riots? Same difference chhe.  

Courier trauma

I had to ‘FedEx’ a letter to Bangalore last week, and a routine event such as this turned out to be a stressful activity. On Tuesday, after ‘confirmed booking’, the pick-up dude did not turn up. Frantic calls to the FedEx call center yielded no answers, calls to call centers seldom do. Thankfully, the document wasn’t urgent, and so I decided to dispatch it on Friday. No sign of the pick-up man again, despite another ‘confirmed booking’. At this stage their slogan, ‘Relax, it’s FedEx’, started buzzing in my head, sending my BP go up several points. (‘Relax, have a Charminar’, would have been more relaxing.) I decided to take the law into my own hands, and after a little spade work, located the pick-up man who services my locality. Amar, the very sweet chap, flashed a lovely smile, checked his records, and triumphantly announced that no booking had been made by me. Ah, but the lady with the sexy voice ‘confirmed’ the booking, I protested. Amar shrugged. I am sure she was chatting on WhatsApp while dealing with me, I then suggested. Amar flashed his lovely smile again. Am sure he’d want to be relocated to their call center, any call center for that matter. They reward bullshit talk in these places, or so I have concluded.   

The one and only Viru

Viru Sehwag was truly unique, and deserves all the adulation he is getting in the media. Though it’s another matter that he should have retired a few years ago, the blaster’s batting had gotten severely jaded, he wasn’t going to be picked anyway. A lot has been written on Viru’s technique, or rather the lack of it. So let me just say this: When on a roll, the man was a compelling watch, you wouldn’t budge from your seat, not even to take a pee break. And if you suffered from a weak bladder, you were in serious trouble. Don’t think any other Indian batsman has had such a powerful hold on cricket fans.