Esther’s recklessness

Of course, her assaulter deserves to get the harshest punishment, that is a fricking no-brainer. The fact that it will take some more years to get Esther Anuyha justice is what rankles the most. But that’s the way justice is doled out in this country, so we have to live with it. (For those not familiar with the crime story, here’s a link: Click here.

And today I am going to say something similar to what I had said in a column way back in the year 2007, a column for which I was roundly dissed by feminists. (This was in reference to the rape and murder of a Pune techie.) Although the headline I had used at the time was provocative (and I later apologized for it), the essence of my piece I still stand by: Indian men, in general, cannot be trusted, and therefore women travelling alone have to be always on their guard, whether they like it or not. Sure, we need to reform our men, but that could take centuries, even more. In the meantime, women have to take some amount of responsibility for their own safety.

In Esther’s case, it wasn’t wrong to accept a ride if a cool bargain was on offer. Most of us would take it, in any case cabbies and autorick drivers at Kurla station are notorious for thuggery. But when she discovered, outside the station, that the chap had no cab, only a bike ride on offer, under no circumstances should she have accepted the offer. Instead, the young woman  should have screamed out aloud to attract attention, given that the creep was refusing to return her luggage. By choosing to go ahead with the ride, Esther behaved in a reckless manner. As an educated, independent working woman, she ought to have exercised better judgment. Surely she would have read about the Pune techie murder (and the one in Bangalore before that).

 

Once again, yes, the criminal needs to pay, and no, I am NOT blaming the poor victim. But it is equally true that a life could have been saved if the victim had played safe. We don’t live in Utopia, dear feminists. We live in India, a nation packed with frustrated perverts.

Chhota Don

Okay, so the dreaded chhota bhai has been arrested, but I find it funny that certain people believe this will lead to the capture of bada bhai. If chhota had the skills, ideas and the network required to nail bada, he would have done so a long time ago, their enmity is the stuff of legends.    

Rather, it is to save himself from bada bhai that the ageing mafia leader seems to have decided to check into a prison. There’s also the issue of his failing health. In short, the man, when he is deported to India, would serve the nation little purpose. And will become yet another burden on the taxpayer. Best to let him chill in Bali.

Diwali nuisance

Sadly, the SC has allowed the junta to continue to blast bombs on Diwali. Here was an opportunity to kill the noise once and for all, but the esteemed court blew it. I really think the court should have put a stop to sound, while allowing the lights to go on. In this manner people still get to follow ‘tradition’, but without giving heart attacks to fellow citizens. There are various ways to measure the level at which a nation finds itself on the evolutionary scale. Festival celebrations is one such in the Indian context. The fact that we want to continue to blast the peace of the elderly, the ailing, the babies and the pets, tells us we haven’t evolved one bit in all these years.    

Award wapsi

So many creative people are busy returning their awards. I wish to do it too, but there’s a tiny hitch. I had won the columnist of the year award in 2002, the only significant award I have won in my life (not counting the few I won in inter-school sack race competitions). I have lost the plaque. Guess the domestic help chucked it, believing it to be kachrapatti.

Fiery joints

Eight people died in the Kurla restaurant fire. Just like that. Their only fault was to eat lunch in a dodgy pad. And guess what? These things will keep happening in a city like Mumbai. One, because real estate is super expensive, therefore proprietors will use every square centimeter available, and when none is left, they will create space by erecting false ceilings. And gas cylinders will be precariously parked wherever parking space can be eked out. This is a pretty common sight, rendering many food joints prone to fire attacks. Two, corruption in the municipal corporation. Licenses are often bought by these space-starved restaurants, and they get renewed with the same method. The BMC is currently indulging in song and dance about ‘unsafe’ eateries, and they will stop the nautanki moment the eight lost lives are forgotten.

So what’s the solution? Simple, really. Modify the law, and declare that when an inferno rages in any restaurant, and it’s a result of unsafe practices followed by the owner, the licensing officer will be tried for culpable homicide. And he/she will face punishment under that section. Jail time for a few will quickly sort out this recurring problem. Remember this: Our cities are packed with people that belong to the lower middle class, and with cash strapped students. They have no option but to dine at cheap restaurants, and so it becomes the duty of the BMC to do its job.

As an aside, here’s the list of the eight dead: Two Hindus. Three Christians. Three Muslims. The fire didn’t check who was eating vegetarian or non-vegetarian. Or who was eating fish or chicken or beef. It treated everyone equally. If the current dispensation learns a lesson from the fire, the eight lives won’t totally have been wasted. 

Of dogs and pups

Listening to (Ex) General VK Singh’s talks these days, one begins to wonder if the soldier would fire first and then examine the identity of his victim. The newly-minted mantri’s insensitive remarks have been bringing his party a great deal of grief, and the latest one is use of dogs as an analogy while discussing the murder of Dalit kids. As usual, everyone wants the PM to condemn the analogy. In this instance Shri Modi can be forgiven for his silence. Didn’t he use the analogy of puppies, a couple of years ago, while talking about the Gujarat riots? Same difference chhe.  

Courier trauma

I had to ‘FedEx’ a letter to Bangalore last week, and a routine event such as this turned out to be a stressful activity. On Tuesday, after ‘confirmed booking’, the pick-up dude did not turn up. Frantic calls to the FedEx call center yielded no answers, calls to call centers seldom do. Thankfully, the document wasn’t urgent, and so I decided to dispatch it on Friday. No sign of the pick-up man again, despite another ‘confirmed booking’. At this stage their slogan, ‘Relax, it’s FedEx’, started buzzing in my head, sending my BP go up several points. (‘Relax, have a Charminar’, would have been more relaxing.) I decided to take the law into my own hands, and after a little spade work, located the pick-up man who services my locality. Amar, the very sweet chap, flashed a lovely smile, checked his records, and triumphantly announced that no booking had been made by me. Ah, but the lady with the sexy voice ‘confirmed’ the booking, I protested. Amar shrugged. I am sure she was chatting on WhatsApp while dealing with me, I then suggested. Amar flashed his lovely smile again. Am sure he’d want to be relocated to their call center, any call center for that matter. They reward bullshit talk in these places, or so I have concluded.   

The one and only Viru

Viru Sehwag was truly unique, and deserves all the adulation he is getting in the media. Though it’s another matter that he should have retired a few years ago, the blaster’s batting had gotten severely jaded, he wasn’t going to be picked anyway. A lot has been written on Viru’s technique, or rather the lack of it. So let me just say this: When on a roll, the man was a compelling watch, you wouldn’t budge from your seat, not even to take a pee break. And if you suffered from a weak bladder, you were in serious trouble. Don’t think any other Indian batsman has had such a powerful hold on cricket fans. 

Senanigoons

Mass media and social media went after the Shiv Sena, all guns blazing. Folks on Twitter were sweating hard to come up with new metaphors. ‘Stained the nation black’ wouldn’t do, it’s much too trite, best left to television anchors. And of course, everything was quickly forgotten, as is the case with our ultra busy media. Forgotten faster than the time diligent sisters at Harkisandas Hospital took to unstain Shri Kulkarni, if not the nation.   

The question no one asks whenever the Sena boys go wild is this: Why do they indulge in such nefarious deeds? If people cared to ask, they’d figure there is a perfectly rational answer for it, and therefore such deeds will find periodic occurrence. The Sena needs to make its presence felt now and then, and Pakistani politicians and artistes become easy meat (not beef!). They have known for the longest time that street tamasha goes down rather nicely with their core voters, and therefore it’s an effective strategy. Their voters don’t get much impressed by pot-hole free roads or collected garbage, and definitely not by the prospect of a breezy Mumbai night life. They want the Sena men to flex muscles at real and imaginary enemies, this is their way of outsourcing glory. Thing is, if you don’t fear the Sena, their party is pooped. Bal Thackeray knew this pretty well, and so does his equally feisty nephew, Raj. Uddhav and son, both essentially chilled out guys, have tried their best to do cool stuff, but it hasn’t worked. And so the dadagiri must go on.

Once we get this, hyperventilating will stop in the media the next time the ink bottle is opened. So then what must restless tweeters do? Nothing. Sit back, tighten the seat belt, and enjoy the tamasha. And hope you are not on the stage when it happens.

Er, what about the cash?

Upset with the government’s ‘communal politics’, more and more laureates are busy returning their Sahitya Academi awards, as a mark of protest. The question is: Is this activity giving the prime minister sleepless nights? Is it making him turn secular? I doubt it. He’s got four more years in office, this is not the time to worry about awards being returned, or fret over polarization activities being conducted by his ‘fringe’ pals. Being a good Gujju, it’s time to collect air miles, do as much tourism as possible (with khakhra packets as carry-on baggage), and get some selfies shot with the likes of Zuckerberg (and keep an eye on the ‘likes’ meter). He will worry about mundane stuff from back home in the last six months in the grand office. And by the way, the Sahitya plaque comes along with a cash prize. Wonder if the peeved writers are returning the moolah, too.

Bar blues

Dance bar girls won’t be back in business anytime soon, the Maharashtra government wants to continue to keep the music turned off. This despite the SC shooting out an order in the girls’ favour. I am not sure how many of them were selling their bodies post the dance show, it is likely that some were. What we definitely know is that once the shutters came down on the bars for good, thousands of bar girls had to ‘graduate’ to prostitution, to support the lifestyle they had become accustomed to, and to feed multiple mouths back home. Although it must be said that during the sting operation I did for Mid Day in the year 2005, immediately after the bars were closed down, none of the bar balas agreed to sleep with me, ouch! Here’s a link to that sad story. 

Click here. 

Maahi’s lost (and found) mojo

It’s unfair to expect Maahi to continue to be his 2011 avatar, when the world was at his feet. Ups and downs happen to most of us in our careers, and for sportspeople, it’s even more likely to happen. As they say, time and tide must take a toll on all. In Kanpur, fans were screaming for his blood, in Indore, the captain hit back by winning the match almost solo. However, Maahi must accept that things aren’t going to be the same anymore, inconsistency has gradually crept into his performance. Indore has kept him inside the team for another year, but cool-headed that he is, Maahi must start planning his next career move, so that he departs on a high. Many of his predecessors had to be physically dragged out of the cricket field, hope our most successful cricket captain doesn’t have to face the same ignominy.