To B or not to B?

As much as I have adored Bachchan’s performances on the screen, I have been severely disappointed with his actions (or the lack of them) off it. Despite all the hero worship for Sachin, SRK and probably Aamir, I am convinced Big B is our greatest living role model, with the largest base of fan following and hero worship.
But then why has he always been a selfish man, why is he busy only fattening his own bank balance, why does he never even attempt to convert his awesome brand value for the betterment of his nation? Why is he hanging out with a fixer like Amar Singh? How on earth can he be a part of a campaign that is aimed at usurping farmland?
I have always found it depressing that people like Bachchan just don’t care for us, that has made me even more cynical about this country. And when I went to meet him for the Mirror interview last Friday at his swanky ABCL office in Juhu, I pretty much told him so. And all I got was the famous cold stare. Here’s a link to the interview (click here), perhaps you will find some answers therein.
My own take: Big B has become as cynical and negative about this nation as the rest of us. Damn!

The real boss

I don’t understand a word of Tamil. And yet, I followed 90% of Sivaji, which should give you some idea why Rajinikanth is India’s biggest movie star, and also what to expect in his new blockbuster. It’s all there. Pulsating songs set against garishly elaborate backdrops, over the top costumes, and loads of oomph and energy. AR Rahman has, as always, delivered the goods. 'Vaaji Vaaji En Jeevan Si Sivaji' tempted me to join the gang on the aisles, even if I have no clue what the words mean.
The legendary Rajini fight sequences have gotten laced with mind-blowing special effects, so expect shots like a bullet stopping itself millimeters away from the star’s forehead, a train coming to halt inches away from our hero (flagged down with a red chunni by his gal, who, while heaving a sigh of relief, also cares to heave her ample cleavage). And yes, there are enough trademark Rajini punch lines through the three-hour plus marathon. Although I did not always follow the lines, that did not stop me from whistling wildly in the company of hundreds of die-hard fans. Rajini does that to you, he transcends all language barriers through sheer charisma.

Superb performances
Lead actress Shreya fits the part perfectly. She can at once be an ultra conservative Tam Bram, and in another jump cut, a sexy damsel oozing with raw passion. Cinematographer K V Anand has come up with rich and grandiose imagery, and art director Thota Tharani’s techni-coloured sets ensure not one member from the audiences dares strut off for a quick ciggie.
Commenting on Rajini’s acting is a waste of time, the man is a class act, a great delight to watch. He may have given up his unique cigarette flicking gimmicks, but Rajini more than makes up with chewing gums and one-rupee coins. But full credit for making a sixty-year-old man look convincingly thirty-plus must go to costume designer Manish Malhotra and hair stylist, Sandrine Verrier Seth. The cool blonde wig was a roaring hit in the Bangalore audi.

The story has been told
If there’s one negative to Sivaji, it’s the lack of a novel storyline. While director S Shankar has been hugely protective on pre release leaks, he need not have worried. It’s an out and out James Bond flick, with a very faint and oft-repeated ‘social message’: the rich must also think of the poor. And even if some loaded Bangalore techie was moved, it was more because of Rajini’s rapid-fire kicks and punches, and less because of the kind message he imparts. But that does not stop Sivaji from being a cinematic treat. Simply because Rajini overpowers and eclipses all storylines. The actor is bigger than his canvas, a true larger-than-life hero. There is no one in Bollywood who can claim that sort of a mass appeal, no wonder AVM has readily put Rs 80 crore riding on his slim shoulders, making Sivaji the most expensive film in Indian history.

Big B versus Rajini
Amitabh in his best days (Deewaar, Trishul) had a similar cult following, but there’s one key difference: In an Amitabh film, the galleries blew whistles and catcalls as he first appeared on screen. With Rajini, the hysteria begins as soon as the dull and dry censor certificate comes on. Still want to debate who’s the bigger movie god?

(Originally written for Mirror.)

Damn adjust maadi

(Wrote this for Bangalore Mirror readers)

I think one expression Bangaloreans should immediately erase from their dictionary is 'adjust maadi'. Not just because the rest of the nation now associates it with an underwear brand, but also because it's no longer cool to simply adjust with whatever life in the city has on offer. In fact, it's self-destructive to continue to behave thataways, given the seismic changes that have happened in the city in the recent past, and I am not referring to the tongue-teasing name change. (With due respect to all my Kannadiga friends, Bengalooru is a bit of a mouthful for the rest of us, it leaves a tickling sensation in my fragile larynx.)

The auto rick guy cheats and abuses you? Don't adjust maadi, demand he take you there, AND give him an earful all through the journey. The reason these crass creatures get away with crude behaviour is because we have been adjusting maadi with them for too long now. It's payback time.

That lunar crater (called pothole by nice Bangaloreans) down your street doesn't get repaired for months and years together? Don't adjust maadi. Gherao the local corporator (do you even know his/her name, dear adjuster?), and demand he/she take action. Never forget you pay for his/her salary and the gas-guzzling Amby.

New road projects and rail links are delayed by years, causing you great hardships and health problems, not to mention massive fuel losses? Don't adjust maadi. Do some Gandhigiri with the mantris and babus. Send them a bouquet of flowers a day. And if that doesn't work, mail some balloons loaded with carbon monoxide.

You get robbed of your laptop at primetime in the heart of the city? Don't adjust maadi. Visit the police commissioner's office and demand quick answers. In case your latest excuse is you don't know where to find the good officer, here's the address: No 1, Infantry Road.

Yup, I know, it's heart breaking to trash a phrase that's your most fav, one that's definitive of the city itself, one that's symbolic of the good guy Bangalorean. But sadly, it's time to bury 'salpa adjust maadi' for good. Because it's become irrelevant and accursed in the very messy, mismanaged and under-pressure New Bangalore. In fact, the powers-that-be will want us to always be relaxed, chilled out and adjusting as citizens, so that they can have a free run with the city, all the more reason we should dump it ASAP.

And most importantly, because surely none of you wants Bangalore to become synonymous with an underwear brand.

Don't insult the whore

(Sorry, have been travelling. Here's what I wrote in the Mirror today in the meantime.)


Good work, NDTV. Assuming the tapes are accurate (there’s no reason to believe otherwise), that was a cool sting operation in the Sanjeev Nanda hit and flee case. It has yet again reminded us of the rot in the criminal justice system in this country. But will anything change after the great expose? No, you guys have simply wasted footage. May as well have given that much television time to your party reporter Ms Anisha Baig, at least she brings in some cheer into our dull and dreary lives. We are an intensely corrupt nation, and our lawyers are one of us, they haven’t come from another planet. There is corruption in the army, in the police, in politics, in the bureaucracy, you name it. So why should the lawyers behave themselves? We Indians eat ghoos, we drink ghoos, we burp ghoos, we shit ghoos. Apart from nations in the sub-continent, I cannot think of a single country where the prosecution and defence lawyers hunt in pairs. The only entity I implicitly trust is the street hooker. Because there is no deceit, no hypocrisy, no fraud with her. What you see is what you get. She must be the most honest worker in this country today. So please, let’s not insult her by saying our lawyers are prostituting their profession. Instead, let’s idolise her.