Tch, tch, tch.

As a child, I used to get scared of evil spirits, and would often not be able to sleep at night. My mother, who would naturally get rattled by this nuisance, had two options. One, deliver a slap for being moronic, and order me to go to sleep. Or two, discuss my fear, trace the source of it, and then find a way to convince me that the fear was unfounded. And round off by uttering Aamir’s favourite phrase, ‘All izz well’. Which do you think is a better approach?

Too much noise has been made about the star, and as usual, TV debates further muddled the issue. It’s actually pretty simple: What we are saying to Aamir Khan is this: Dude, if you are feeling insecure about life in India, don’t talk about it, just shut up and carry on with work as usual. And if you do, all hell will break lose for you. 

When we do this, aren’t we demolishing the Constitution of India which guarantees free speech to all citizens? How can we take this right away from the man only because he is a popular actor with gadzillion followers? The moment we do this, we turn into an intolerant nation, thus proving Khan’s point. And we end up making him and others feel even more insecure.

The only problem I have with what Aamir said is this: As the spokesman for ‘Incredible India’, he should have first resigned from that job, and then called a press conference to share his reasons. What he did at the event was, I suspect, abrupt and not really thought through. This is something we don’t usually expect from Mr Thinking Actor.

And by the way, no, Khan isn’t taking the first flight out to Damascus anytime soon. He is busy looking to purchase a 200 crore rupee property in good old Bandra West. And jealousy is making me intolerant of him. :)

Pappu fail ho gaya. Again.

Loved the way students of Bangalore’s Mount Carmel College stumped 'young' Rahul Gandhi. Here’s a link:

Click here.

Two points: I am amazed that youngsters in Bangalore believe in the idea of Swachh Bharat. That city is perhaps the dirtiest in India (Mumbai is better, and that’s saying a lot), each time I visit I spot uncollected garbage strewn around one housing complex or another. And their municipal corporation is notorious for its sloth and corruption. Perhaps students of Carmel belong to Bangalore’s most affluent families, and so they have failed to notice the mess. Only that would explain the optimism.

As for Gandhiji, there’s a simple lesson even a basic public speaking course will teach you: When you are caught in a spot, try and be witty or smart. Humour will almost always get you out of a tight situation. In his place, this is what I would have said to the students: Hehe, you guys in Bangalore believe in the idea only because you have a Congress led government here. We are doing the PM’s dirty work, while he is busy entertaining the swachh NRIs. Or words to that effect.  

Am told Pappu likes to hang out in Bangkok. Don’t know exactly what education he gets there, we can only imagine. I would suggest signing up at a public speaking institute in New Delhi. Am sure they have a few.

Idiotic censors

Still reeling from the massive response to my interview with the CBFC chief (for Mumbai Mirror). The interview once again proves that for the Indian government, now and in the past, chamchagiri has always taken precedence over merit. This is the biggest reason why the country progresses at a snail’s pace. For those who missed the hilarious exchange, here’s the link:

Click here.

Paris terror diary

Those of us living in Mumbai aren’t shocked by the attacks in Paris, we can only feel a sense of déjà vu. The 26/11 template was always going to be reproduced, it was a huge success for terrorists, it was only about where and when. Sadly for Parisians, they became the city of choice. And it will happen all over again. It’s so easy to do; arm a bunch of brainwashed, loser youngsters with automatic weapons, select targets, and they are ready to roll. A 9/11 is so much more difficult to plan and execute.

Some people used social media to express anger over Paris being given too much attention, when no one cares about regular terror attacks in Lebanon, Syria, Yemen and other strife-torn places. Of course, they have a point. However, it’s not that we don’t care about these places, but there will be strife in strife-torn places, and so one gets numbed to the hard reality. Sad, but true. Also, such savagery in Paris rankles more because that city is the symbol of love, art, culture, wine and joie de vivre. It’s a place you associate with happiness, not misery.

Our PM likes to collect air miles, he likes to hangout with global leaders. I am not sure what really comes of these expensive jaunts, maybe we do benefit in some way, though we still have to discover what that is. But one hopes Modi is carefully observing the French government’s reaction to terror. They quickly mobilized support from other powerful nations, commenced air strikes on ISIS targets almost immediately, combed their homeland hard and tracked down/neutralized a bunch of terrorists within a few days. And have declared they will be harsher on refugees desiring to enter their country (democracy and humanitarianism be damned). Will this stop future terror attacks? Certainly not. But some quick hard measures do provide balm to injured souls. After 26/11, all we received was a barrage of insensitive, crappy remarks from our netas. Like, ‘bade bade shahron mein chhoti chhoti batein…’. And of course, Pakistan continued with life like nothing happened. The PM should watch France’s reaction from inside his living room, and pick up a few tips. Better than wasting air fuel to entertain NRIs at glitzy events.  

I also hope our policemen observed how quickly the venue of the showdown with terrorists was sanitized. Citizens and media personnel were parked a huge distance away. I still recall television journalists reporting directly from below the Taj Hotel in Mumbai, proudly holding up shattered pieces of glass, even though the operation hadn’t ended. This mistake has been repeatedly made during terror attacks, in fact I was allowed to enter the Gateway of India complex minutes after a bomb blast. We have to master the process of sanitization, no option in this matter.

On Syria, the new fountainhead of terror. That nation has spiralled out of control in the last four years, with various factions fighting each other, and as usual, the US and Russia have been waging a proxy war in troubled waters, rather than fighting with one objective. And this division has given the ISIS arms, legs and teeth. And bullets. Now is the time to act as one team against this new menace. The more the nations are divided, stronger is the threat.

Lastly, on France. They have to find a way to stop making Muslims feel like second class citizens. The goras need to find ways to welcome them into their lives, their culture and their financial success. An unhappy community creates disgruntled elements, and then there is a price to pay. On this aspect, the western nations can learn from India. Minorities do face odd acts of discrimination out here, but by and large they are considered equal citizens in every single way, they are fully integrated. Nations like France and the UK must get there quickly, for their own good. 

The pledge no one remembers

With all the noise about intolerance and worry about polarization, I am reminded of the pledge we used to take in school. In fact, if I remember correctly, it used to be carried in every single text book, though I wonder if that still happens, given the general crudity, insensitivity and intolerance we see all around us, even amongst the kids.

‘India is my country and all Indians are my brothers and sisters. I love my country and I am proud of its rich and varied heritage. I shall always strive to be worthy of it. I shall give respect to my parents, teachers and elders and treat everyone with courtesy. To my country and my people, I pledge my devotion. In their well being and prosperity alone, lies my happiness.’

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to state that these few lines embody the so-called spirit of India, the basis on which this nation was born. Obviously no one took it seriously at school, and it was therefore quickly forgotten as we grew up. I believe the most telling words are ‘I am proud of its rich and varied heritage’. Right from childhood we were told to respect and celebrate India’s diversity, but we have gone on to fight it, to demolish it, to screw it.

The need of the hour is to ‘mainstream’ this pledge. It should be pasted on notice boards and websites of schools, colleges and offices. Every single parliamentary session must begin with this pledge, so should every cinema film. It should be played on television periodically. AR Rahman should be commissioned to convert it into an anthem. Would be a good start to stop the decay and rot that has set into India.

Thought for Diwali

As I write this, pre-Diwali crackers have begun to go off. And this message pops up on WhatsApp. Good one. So much better than blowing up money in smoke, so much better to bring a smile to someone less privileged. And yes, do not ask for the person’s religion, cast, etc, just handover the goodies. Happy Diwali!