I recently met up with my mates from school, about twenty of them, almost all of them after a staggering period of thirty years. The experience was both, exhilarating and disappointing at the same time.
Let me explain: quite obviously, it’s extremely gratifying to re-connect with lost childhood pals and colleagues. Not just for the emotions and memories at play, but also because we knew each other long before we met our respective partners, adulthood friends and work colleagues. School buddies are a part of one’s formative years, and the bonds and experiences we shared are singularly precious: unadulterated, uncorrupted, innocent and naïve. In other words, we knew each other long before the reality of the big bad world invaded our lives. Before we stepped into a sordid life of career ambitions, raising families, battling all the yorkers life throws at us… even survival (terror attacks have become more common in modern times than Rakhee Sawant’s appearances on TV).
I, like many of you, have been invited to college re-unions, management institute re-unions, office re-unions, family re-unions… and I have either ducked them, or have taken part in them as a ‘time-pass’ exercise. Have some pegs, indulge in some silly shoo-sha, discuss the weather, and then head for home. But a school re-meet is uniquely alluring. It’s a rarest of rare chance to catch up with purity and innocence again.
However, I was left a tad empty and disillusioned. The general feeling I got at our little gathering, is that people have irreversibly moved on in life, have been so hugely influenced by adulthood, that they no longer cherish the innocence of childhood. I was searching for lads and lasses at the re-union, I instead ran into very serious men and women. And some old fogies too. In parts, I felt I was participating in a corporate meet, a seminar, a heavy-duty conclave (gosh!). Had we sat an hour longer, we would have been discussing environmental pollution, Mumbai’s crumbling infrastructure and the stock market fluctuations. The guys were so damn formal, solemn and matter-of-fact. These weren’t folks I grew up with, they were complete strangers.
Some people feel I am being ‘childish’. That I am stuck in the past. Maybe they are right. But that’s pretty ironical, when you consider my chosen profession: my job is bloody serious. Serious as hell. As a journo, I constantly have to stare at, analyse and report on the dark underbelly of this nation. This 24X7 life rolling in dirt and grime can often be very depressing, it catapults you into adulthood in like nano-seconds.
Which is why, to be honest, I am a little rattled. Maybe the problem lies with me. Maybe I am too emotional of the past. Maybe I don’t move on easily. Maybe I value innocence more than the others do. Maybe I don’t live my life in water-tight compartments. I must be deranged! Dunno. No easy answers, I guess.
8 comments:
I think, 'childish/stuck in the past' comments can be ignored.. there is a context involved here, its not from everyone that you expect what you did..
could completely relate to it, its something that i keep coming back to :) http://bit.ly/qMkIy http://bit.ly/2DYYmY
Hmm.... I understand this point of view completely... recently met up with my school mates after 20 years... but luckily for me, we had great fun reminiscing,and getting back to where we had left off.
Hi Anil,
I went through your blog with great interest. Surprisingly, some of the feelings described by you are exactly what I felt. I guess that it is a fact that most of us, have moved on in life and are today very different people, most of us bogged down with our own set of worries, caught in this mad rat race in this completely crazy city we call home.
Each one of us attended the re-union with our own unique set of expectations; but there is so much that can be achieved in the few hours that we had together ( difficult to compress what each one of us has been through in 30 years in the few hours ). I guess we need a lot more time together to unlearn what we have been through and recreate the level of trust and friendship that we shared all those years ago. I wouldn’t give up hope if I were you but live with the hope that over a period of time we might get there eventually.
I hope I was not one of the “old fogies” that you refer too. I might have come across strongly on the Kamla Bharwani issue but with no mal-intent. I think it would be great if you were to go ahead and relive or even realize your dreams. Personally for me, school did not hold too many happy memories (largely due to my own folly) , however, I feel that I have grown as a person ( hope I do not sound pompous , saying that) and feel that I am a more content person today. This does not take away from good friends that I would like to continue to have from school days.
Looking forward to the next re-union.
Warm regards,
Deepa.
I didn't have such an experience during my school re-union. May be it's the fact that we passed out just 10 years back... and things are too fresh in our memories to make things awkward for us...
The problem lies with you, Anil. What little I know of you, I know you are all heart, you are sensitive about people and relationships, you savour memories. Sadly, a vast majority of the world isn’t like that, people are usually cold to the past, and only think about the now and the tomorrow. People move on pretty fast and have no time for the past. Get real, yaar.
Anil,
....everyone changes...its all part of life...shouldn’t get disillusioned is all I am saying...looking forward to November...ciao buddy..
Read the comments, and also views expressed by friends on e-mail. Yes, I think I over-reacted. 30 years is a long time, and people evolve very differently. It’s unfair of me to expect everyone to retain the fond memories and feelings I have, it’s too unrealistic. I stand chastened. Also, for the record, all the girls in the group were quite warm and affectionate. It’s some of the cold old doods I was referring too. Thanks to all who wrote in. Regards. Anil.
I do not think you overreacted.You are NOT oversensitive.....its the rest of the junta which is cold and pheeka... it is not unrealistic to look for warmth and lighthearted fun with school pals....and you should definitely not apologize for feeling the way you did.
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