I have been following the sad death of airhostess Sucheta Anand, and the aftermath, quite closely. Because I find the story quite perplexing. And frightening.
Assume for a second that a very hurt and depressed Anand killed herself mainly because her casanova boyfriend wasn’t committing to her, and was playing the field. Now, is that reason enough to charge the fellow with abetment? Is being a cad a criminal offence? Is cheating on a girlfriend a crime? And if an already disillusioned lady does something destructive because of that, should the man be held responsible?
There’s no easy answer but cold logic tells me definitely not. Every time a woman dates a man, she carries an inherent risk in the process. The guy may turn out to be super partner, or may turn out to be a traitor, a creep. And when the latter happens, she needs to accept it as bad luck and move on. And if she doesn’t, and does something silly, how can we treat the man as a criminal abettor? And if Arjun Menon, her lover, deliberately drove her into killing herself, he becomes guilty. But conversations that happen inside the confines of four walls, leave no trail of evidence. And in this case, there isn’t even a suicide note. So there’s no law in this nation that can be used against him. Menon will walk a free man, sooner than later.
Bottomline: All ladies must accept that relationships come with a risk tag. And they need to be ready for all outcomes. And no man can be held responsible if a jilted lover can’t handle this risk. In this context, it’s incorrect that Menon is being given such a hard time, it’s against the spirit of natural justice. All I can tell ladies reading this piece is something I wrote years ago when model Nafisa Joseph killed herself in similar circumstances: We men just aren’t worth dying for.
15 comments:
I remeber your quote that you sent on Nafisa s death....and i still believe that it isnt entirely true.
Of course, everyone assumes that things will be 'happily-ever-after' but it may not always be so. If thats reason for killing yourself, the jilter is MORALLY responsible, not leagally. Because the first things we learn is good manners and not to hurt others and this is in violation of that. Whatever.
for once, mr thakraney, i agree with you. Men aren't worth anything much these days. :)
this is a clear case of the law not being up to date with the changes in society . why do we always blame the guy , im sure if a guy had commited suicide , the girl would never be arrested infact the boy would be labelled a loser and im sorry to say the girl has to be responsible for her actions , no boy pushes a girl for anything except in case of a rapist and all guys are not rapist we have other things to do in life like make nuke bombs and kill each other haha , frankly we guys nowdays know that girls are worse in commiting adultery then men so if u wana commit suicide we will think as one less problem less in the world (this was for the feminist )
you said this in your bottom line ...
"All ladies must accept that relationships come with a risk tag"... well its not about just ladies, even men may land up in similar situations so its basically about shallow people and these days there are tons of them ... nobody is really worth dying for ... i completely agree with you when u say that relationships come with a risk tag, and anyone (be it a man or a woman) needs to be ready for all outcomes.
i only wish, people work on their empathetic and moralistic qualities (i know, its easier said than done)
ms anands husband must be laughing his head off coz for years he and his fly tortured her and she did not take this drastic step and nos she commits suicide for being jilted....gosh whatever happened to normal relationships where u get friendly with a guy and break up when things are not going smooth???
however anil i agree with u that laws need to be reviewed and the word abettment too should be given new meaning...like in the rehmans case where his inlaws actually threw him on the tracks and put it down to suicide. i feel abettment should be reserved only when someone actually assissts u in committing suicide and not by just being the cause for it.
anil abetment to suicide is a much discussed and debated topic even in the psychiatric circle.The current law states that suicide itself is a crime and anyone who knows abt the person s suicidal intention is supposed to inform the cops immediately.This is probably to ensure that suicidal people get help But if u r unaware of the person s suicidal intent then u cannot be penalised for the same.Your comment abt women havin to be careful needs revisitin as i come across guys in a similar state of despair daily
Anil, I agree with you that the laws need to be reviewed.... or atleast there shouldnt be ambiguity so that innocent people suffer. In this case the man might be morally responsible but that doesnt mean he should be in judicial custody. One can understand that Sucheta must have been depressed cos she already had a failed relationship and might have been in despair at this relationship failing, but many people go through failed relationships, which doesnt mean one should take one's life. She could have taken psychiatric help. In this case I feel that the man is being made a scapegoat.
relationships as is it are hard to deal with these days....some things really missing...can't put my finger as to what....men are men and girls are girls...its such a sad thought that we hv to lose ourselves ..and in what way..and to get what...Its weak thoughts that make weak actions. Every thing is a risk...just chin yourself up and face it man....
Hi anil..............sad but true MEN ARENT WORTH it at all.............but you know what the main problem is not abetment or being Jilted it is the Female psyche of wanting a faithful partner .....somehow we indian women have this wharped idea that only if you have a Male you are complete be it marriage or boyfriend or lover whatever ...........i think we have to first get Indian women off this crazy MINDSET ........
Secondly about why only women react this way more i guess it is because unlike a Jilted Male lover who can be really Heartless and Cruel to Throw acid or Burn her or even Stab her in broad daylight a women finds it easier to get out that situation permananetly by committing suicide .........
Its dangerous to generalise but failed relationships in succession do leave the person depressed,the more lonely,egoistic individuals cant cope, may hurt the partner like happens many times when boys throw acid on the girl"s face etc,or the threatening emails,phone calls,hate letters from both the genders is also common.I have witnessed this with a friend but I became her agony aunt,supported her with just talking to her that this isnt the end of the world.So sad,sucheta didnt have a single friend or relative to ease her trauma.Why in a city like Mumbai which is bursting with people we find such Lonely people?It reminds me of
"seeneme jalan,aakhome tufaan sa kyo hai?
Is shahar me har shaks pareshan sa kyu hai?
I still havent been able to get over Nafisa's death and now this lady commits suicide for a similar reason! I think what Anil says is right, every relationship comes with a risk factor attached to it. Why men, even women betray a lot nowadays.Does that mean men start commiting suicide. Life comes with its share of ups and downs and one must learn to accept both. Also one must realize that unless we dont get someone who hurts us, we actually will never value the one who truly loves us. By generalising and jumping(from high storeyed buildings and also to illogical conclusions!!!!!!!!!!!) women usually end up making fools of themselves and also hurting the ones who are ;eft behind...mourning and living with mysterious thoughts about the suicide...as long as they are alive!
Okay. Here’s my reaction to your comments, and thanks for the same.
Gitanjali, what you say may have been said in jest, but I pretty much agree with you. And I back the attitude totally. If all women adopted that attitude, we may no longer see suicides being committed on account of failed relationships.
Rejiv, you are bang-on. No, not about adultery rates, but about the fact that in similar circumstances, on the rare occasion when a man kills himself, we bury him as a loser, a milk-sop. Funnily, we SYMPATHISE with the woman, encouraging her to be brave. Yes, it is an issue on which all of us need to introspect.
Jen, you are right, we live in shallow times. And yet expect depth in our partners, quite foolishly so. The quicker people accept this reality, fewer will be the tragedies. And Jent, the problem with indirect abetment is that on most times, it’s impossible to prove in a court of law. Especially when there is no suicide note. And even when there is one, who is to say the deceased did not write it to teach a cheat a lesson? So the best bet for women is to do a reality check on the sort of times we live in.
Anjali, you are right. I should include men as sufferers too. But most men I read about/know of don’t harm themselves in such situations. The dirty buggers either find ways and means to hit back at the lover (acid attacks, porn pics on the net, threats, etc) and the nicer folks simply move on. Suicide on account of failed relationships is more often than not a feminine trait, which is why I focussed on it.
Shruti, yes, morality and legality are two different things. Immorality is NOT a crime as per our Constitution (unless the partners are married), so the man in question must be set free ASAP. And Anita, yes, that’s the entire point: Chin up, always.
Chitra, you have hit the nail. Sadly, many women tend to cop out of these issues, mainly because of social norms and archaic mindsets, and how one wishes they’d be strong.
Suchitra, the least Sucheta should have done, given this lonely big bad city as you put it, is to seek professional help. And who knows, a life cud have been saved. That’s the change in mind-set one wants in these shallow times.
And Neetu, sure, the greatest sufferers are the family members left behind. If nothing else, a thought for them should stop a lady from doing the worst thing possible. Arjun Menon will in all likehood return to his philandering ways, but Sucheta's folks have been damaged for life.
You know ladies who commit suicide because of men who they know for merely months or years should not be symphatised.I have my sympathy for the guy who got stuck in this. I used to be an Air hostess and i have seen every second air hostess getting involved with a crew members and i think the women i knew were more manipulative then men..Men i agree think through their dicks, but why do these women give in completely & end their lives because they do not get committment they expected?? why jump into a bed with a man without marriage if one's so sensative , especially one divorced should be extra cautious. I happened to read shoba de's article on Air hostess and her views on them, I guess all the so called sucheta's are responsible for this. Seroiusly Anil, sucheta's should not to be symphatised, i'd rather syphatise with the seven month pregnant beggers who have a small kid on their hand begging for their daily food , they are uneducated and live no matter what ......
SUMITA
nobody.. but nobody... is worth giving your life over. and calling it abetment is crazy. they've been smoking something funny...
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