Driving in big Indian cities is no fun at all. It’s horrendous, shitty and nightmarish. With idiots jumping signals, cutting lanes and honking non-stop. But a couple of drinks makes it easier to deal with the mess. Trust me.
Alistair, Sanjeev, Janhavi, Salman, Nooriya, all
of them are bloody fools. They couldn’t keep their shit together. I can handle
this, I have the skill and the confidence. I rock on the roads.
I know exactly where Pandu havaldar parks
himself. And I know exactly how to avoid him. Only morons get caught.
And even if I get really unlucky, I have
mouth fresheners on the ready, and I have been known to get out of tricky
situations, hehe. And if all fails, my wallet is stuffed. Cool.
Buses and trains are not my scene, they are too
messed-up. The dirty and grimy kaali peeli is for losers. Why would I bother
with these when I just paid a fortune for my wonder machine, a machine that’s
desperate to stretch its legs.
(Specifically for women and gays.) Uber?
Bollocks, all their drivers are molesters. And what will that tapori think of
me when I am in a sozzled state? More importantly, what will the creep DO to
me?
My pals will laugh at me. Chickening out of
driving after a few beers is what losers do. And they’ll post about my cowardice
on FB. And WhatsApp. Naah, can’t deal with that.
All my colleagues are drunk. Someone has to
drive, right?
Relax! I am not THAT drunk. I can handle
this.
Only others get caught. I never have. I never
will. So chill.
(Image: Gurl.com)
(Image: Gurl.com)
